Hi again,
Ever felt like you’ve got nothing good to say? Mom used to tell us kids if we don’t have anything good to say, then don’t say anything at all.
That was before the internet. Now it seems mean is cool.
Or at least, some people think it is.
I haven’t been at Medium all week. A client I worked with 20 years ago contacted me out of the blue. He needs a website, fast, because he doesn’t want to lay off his staff. So he needs to go online. Which means I’m rushing to get the site done.
This morning, I finally went to Medium.
Know what I read?
First, I read that a publication I wrote for got shut down because one person complained so long and loud that Medium shut down an entire publication to investigate the complaint.
(It has since been restored.)
Then I read a post about why people don’t read your writing. 10 minutes in, it concluded by saying he’s not going to give a reason. Instead, he said if you’re wondering how to get more reads, you need to unpack your motivation on why you’re so desperate to be seen.
On a site where people supplement their income by writing.
During a time when people are struggling financially.
Wow. Go figure.
Then I saw another about which writers make her want to gouge her eyes out.
I still have my Dad’s white cane, if she wants it.
Then I saw one about how to be a “real” writer. Whatever that means.
And another one about how to tell if you’re not “cut out” to be a writer.
I don’t need to keep going, do I?
What is wrong with people?
I get it. Mean and condescending gets clicks.
Some people seem to think it’s cool to be rude. Condescending feels powerful to some people. At what point do we stop and think about what we’re putting into the world?
Does the world really need more mean?
I couldn’t help but think of what Maya Angelou said…
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou
Mean is bad marketing…
All those people? Some of them have books I’m never going to buy. Some of them run businesses I’m never going to refer anyone to.
Ironically, one of them runs a business selling a service the client I’m working with is looking for. I’m not referring him. He deserves better than someone that thinks it’s okay to speak rudely and condescendingly to random strangers on the internet.
Rich, famous people can afford to be rude.
Some of them are.
But ordinary folk like you and me?
Suffice to say you never know who is going to read what you write.
Lots of those people don’t care what *I* think. Fair enough. But it’s not just what *I* think. That rude superiority-laden post might get read by the person who could have referred your next big client. Or the person who could have hooked you up with an agent. Or introduced you to your next really big break.
But they’re not going to.
It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.
My Mom used to tell us kids it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. She said there’s nothing we can’t tell her. Nothing we can’t discuss. Even criticism. As long as it’s said respectfully.
That’s the part that’s missing with some of these people. Respect.
Anything can be said with kindness and respect. Anything.
It requires a little more brain power, for sure, but last I heard, thinking and consideration were still part of being a decent human being.
There’s two ways to say anything. The kind and considerate way…
and the hurtful way.
If you aren’t speaking with kindness and consideration, you are probably being hurtful to someone. And you’ll never even know what that might have cost you.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.” — Dalai Lama
Hope you enjoy these…
11 tips from a Self-Proclaimed Bad Writer Who Persevered and Ended up Winning a Pulitzer
5 Odd Little Habits That Actually Will Make You Happier & Healthier
Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this, click the little heart to let me know. I try to pay mind to what you pour love on so I can write more of that.
Take care, stay safe and see you next week.
:)
Linda
I don't know about what the rest of the world should do. But you reminded me what I want to do. Who I want to be.
I agree. In ordinary discourse (meaning, nowadays, online and in Tweets), there's no excuse for incivility. The only exception I can think of is that racist/misogynistic/homophobic statements, incitement to violence, promotion of...well, for want of a better description, blatantly evil sentiments...should be opposed. It's possible to carry the non-judgmental approach too far.