On shame and writing
Plus, our group post is up!
Happy Friday,
If you don’t live under a rock, you know the news is insane right now. On top of the riot coverage and questions about whether to impeach or invoke the 25th, America hit a new Covid death toll. 4,000 deaths in one day.
Yesterday, one of the kindest women I know on Medium wrote that she’s ashamed to be American right now. Funny how a single word can send you down a rabbit hole.
So I searched the word “ashamed” on Medium. Know what I found? A lot of women are ashamed of a lot of things they don’t need to be ashamed of. A few men, too. But a lot of women.
Little story. 45 years ago, a woman arrived at a hotel with no money, torn clothing and covered in blood. Begging for a room, she promised she’d pay. And because she was an A-list celebrity, they gave her the room. Later, she said she was ashamed.
When the media converged on the husband she’d fled, he said yes, he did beat her. For her own good. He wasn’t ashamed any more than the rioters were. They were proud.
Have you ever noticed how often the wrong people are ashamed?
As a culture, shaming is used as a tool to try to bully people into following our version of rightness. Mommy shaming. Fat shaming. Etc. It affects creative people more than almost anyone, I suspect.
Creative people make us see or feel something. That’s what art is supposed to do. And yes, writing is an art. When other people don’t like what we made them see, they lash out. With bullying, shaming or both.
Women get hit with it disproportionately more than men. 64% of women writers get shamed and harassed for their writing. 11% of men.
If you’ve been reading here a while, you know I strive to make writers rethink their beliefs. Just the threat of public shaming is enough. I’ve lost count of the people who tell me they tone down their words to avoid “offending” anyone.
Most platforms allow us to dismiss or hide comments. But dismissing a comment from a Medium post and dismissing it from your mind are different things, right?
Maybe it’s time we learned to stop and ask who should feel the shame. Who it belongs to. And if it’s not you? Write accordingly.
:)
Our first group post is live!
It turned out great and thank you to all who contributed. Some really great tips in there. You can read it here. Toward the end of January, there will be a submission call for the next one. It won’t be writing tips, so watch for it in a couple of weeks.
“Soul, if you want to learn secrets, your heart must forget about
shame and dignity” —Rumi
What I wrote this week…
If you enjoyed, please click the heart because that’s how I know what topics you’re enjoying. Thanks for reading and have a great weekend.
xo,
Linda
Looking back on my life, I've done some things others might believe I should feel shame. But I don't. It's just where I was at the time, and I realize I've learned not to repeat those actions.
Every country in the world has a history of bad decisions by its leaders and by its citizens, but you learn and move on. Bad judgment, like attacking the Capitol, is something from which to learn, and make sure, with accountability, it doesn't happen again. I'm proud this country had a Black President a few years ago, and has a decent man for its next President and a great woman for his VP. Trump and his minions were an aberration.
When I first saw the news and what was happening, I was somewhat incredulous how they were able move about so freely? There were quite a few expletives. I'm not in the USA, but up in Canada (eh?!). Couldn't resist. I thought about the fact one more could have homemade exsosives,or guns etc.
Then I couldn't believe how many were there were so many without masks. I'll be glad when Biden's sworn in.