When trying to promote yourself feels like trying to shove a square peg in a round hole

Nope the heck out of there...

Happy Friday…

I read a post this week that made me kind of sad.

A writer I read said she started a mailing list because it seemed like a good idea, the sort of thing a writer “should” do. And then she deleted it shortly after.

She said the “look at me” mentality doesn’t feel right to her.
It felt like shoving a square peg in a round hole.

It made her feel bad about herself, she said. Like, it’s wrong to send people email just to “promote” herself. It just didn’t feel right. So she deleted it. Poof. Done.

It’s the #1 “problem” people write me about…

When people join my substack, they get a welcome email. It says hi, thanks for subscribing, and asks what they’re struggling with.

Honestly, I suck at keeping up with those. I try, but email gangs up on me so often it’s not even funny. But still… the number one reply I get, hands down, is that.

People tell me they don’t know how to promote themselves, or they don’t feel good about it, or some version of that.

That lady who deleted her list… I wanted to ask her if she has friends.

Has she ever shared an interest with someone?
Has she ever sent email to a sister, child or friend?

Does she not email “anyone” so it’s not all “look at me”
(Sorry, Sis, I can’t email you. It don’t sit right with me.)
How silly, right?

I have a friend I don’t see as often as I’d like to. Before Covid, we’d get together for coffee every couple of months and talk about books and philosophy. She’s the only person I know that I can talk books with for an hour. Or two.

Another of my favorite people is a plant nut like me. We talk plants. A lot. Omg, did you know that mosquito dunks end fungus gnats, like forever? Have you tried rooting in moss instead of water? No… do not use neem. Here’s why.

There’s a name for that.

Conversation.

And I promise you, when I’m sitting over coffee with my friend talking about a new book that just came out, there’s no “look at me” self-conscious nonsense.

That self consciousness doesn’t come from talking to friends.
It comes from what’s coming out of our mouth.

Or fingers, as it were.

Lots of people find the right balance…

When Erika Leonard joined a fan fiction group, she wasn’t trying to get her name out there. There was no “look at me” vibe. She was just a woman who enjoyed writing fan fiction and hanging out with other fan fiction writers.

All those fan fiction friends bought her book and made 50 Shades a bestseller.

When Lisa Genova wrote article after article about Alzheimer's, it wasn’t because she wanted to get her name out there. There was no “look at me” vibe. She was writing all that stuff because her grandmother had early-onset Alzheimer's.

People who had a loved one with Alzheimer's read her stuff and got to know, trust and like her. They made her book a bestseller, too. And a movie, with Julianne Moore playing her grandmother.

I’m kind of glad a lot of writers feel “icky” about hawking their stuff like internet marketers. I don’t much like that kind of conversation. Does anyone, really?

I mean, I’m sure the people making a profit from it do.
But it’s not even vaguely conversation, is it?

The invisible Venn…

When Roger Ebert had his vocal chords removed, he said his blog saved his life. Not being able to talk was devastating. And there were people on the other end of his blog. People who read what he wrote and replied. Left a comment.

When push comes to shove, what is there besides human connection?

Email is just another medium for conversation. Not really all that different from any other kind of writing, whether it’s on Medium, LinkedIn or Facebook.

There’s an invisible Venn diagram that lady didn’t see.
One circle is the kind of stuff she likes to write about.

The point was never to stand in that circle with a megaphone.

That might be how you sell marketing programs, but it’s not how you build relationships that stand the test of time. It’s not how you find readers that will be around for the fifth book or the twentieth book.

Venn diagrams always have at least 2 circles.

The other circle is the stuff her readers care about. And if you shove those two circles until they overlap just a wee bit? It can feel like friends talking about books, or plants, or whatever they’re both interested in.

And it doesn’t feel icky at all. It actually feels pretty good.

One day I was struggling with a personal loss and didn’t send my newsletter on Friday morning. By noon I got several emails asking if I’m okay.

Do you know how good that felt?

The email went out late evening. It’s the only time I’ve been late.
I think that day was the day I finally “got” it. You know?

It’s a hard and cold world out there. Knowing people who care about the same stuff you care about is a nice thing, indeed. I kind of wish she knew that.

:)

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Thought for the day

“We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend. ”

~Robert Louis Stevenson

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What I wrote this week…

• Happy to say I have upgraded to 5G.
  I did not expect the vaccine to make me so angry. It did.
  

• Dogecoin, The 40 Million Dollar Joke Cryptocurrency
  Thanks to Elon Musk, the meme coin is up 5000%
  

• Real Dating Ads From the 1880s. You Couldn’t Make These Up if You Tried
  Money was a big deal, a weird mechanic fetish, and old maids at 27

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Thanks for reading and have a great weekend…

xo,
Linda