Creatives and Fear

And why people die with their dreams still inside

Happy Friday,

Today is my Mom’s birthday and I’d love to skip work and bring her cake and flowers and spend the day talking but I can’t, because we buried her last year.

Now I’ll tell you the sad part.

The last time I talked to Mom, she said she was thinking about writing some of her stories. “Do you think anyone would want to read them?” she asked.

So we made a plan. She would record them, and I’d type them out for her. Of course, she didn’t plan on having a stroke, because who does — and I wonder why so many of us have to die with our dreams still inside us.

That’s rhetorical, of course. I know why, because here are some of the things people have said to me just this week.

—What if I’m not good enough?
—What if they don’t like me?
—I just can’t find enough time.
—I don’t know where to start.
—I am terrified of rejection.

You know what the real hard part is?
We think we have time.

Time to entertain those fears and insecurities, like they’re lovely company and we make tea and while away the days, weeks, years… until it’s too late.

So I want to talk about some of those things that hold us back.

What if you’re not good enough?

For who? And compared to what? Do you think you get better at anything by not doing it? Can I tell you a secret? Pre-school children never once think they’re not good enough until adults get around to telling them so. We send our children to school to learn, but what they seem to learn best is to compare themselves to others.

Then the comparing habit sticks around and we keep doing it as adults.

Have you ever watched a child learn to walk? They don’t stand right up and strut like a pro. No, they fall on their butt and laugh or cry and try again. Couldn’t we use a little more of that as adults? What if you just decided that you’d rather do that thing badly so you can learn to do it better?

What if they don’t like you?

Who is they? 4.5 billion people use the internet. 100 million at Medium, 100 million at Instagram, 2.9 billion on Facebook. I promise you, they don’t all love or hate the same things. Did you know I have haters? And I get hate mail? I don’t care. Their hate does not supersede my right to do or say what is meaningful to me. You see?

And if you’re writing on Medium, you get paid for hate reads. Win, win.

There will always be the people who love what you bring, and there will always be people who hate what you bring. Best thing you can do is be as you as you can be, because it makes it easier for your people to find you.

What if you can’t find time?

Well of course you can’t. Time isn’t something we find, it’s something we make. I write best when I’m a little tired. It shuts up the inner critic, because she’s not awake enough to have an opinion yet. So I write first thing in the morning or before bed. Then, I edit in the middle of the day when the inner critic is in full form.

Also? You don’t need to find large chunks of time. Did you know that Paul Harding wrote his book in 10-15 minute writing jags? Often, when he was in his car, waiting for his son to come out of school. He won a Pulitzer for that book written in his car.

Not saying you’re going to win a Pulitzer, of course, but the point is that if he could write a whole book in 15 minute increments, can’t we all find a few minutes every day to work on a dream?

What if you don’t know where to start?

Well, that depends what you’re trying to start, right? If you’re figuring out how to start writing a book, start with one sentence. Preferably on paper, with a pen. If it’s non-fiction, start with a mind map or an outline.

If it’s something else, like how to build your audience or how to start a list, or how to start writing on Medium — ask someone. Find someone who is a couple of steps ahead of you and ask them. You’d be surprised how happy most people are to help.

Heck, shoot me an email and ask me. If I can’t help, I’ll try find someone who will. If I can help, I’ll write a post about it and share it with you. Win, win. You get help, I get something great to write about.

What if you’re terrified of rejection?

Welcome to the club! Most of us have those moments, too. Fear of rejection is just the brain’s way of repackaging that “what if they don’t like me?” fear.

Let me share a secret that I didn’t figure out until I hit 50. For years I stifled my own voice, afraid of rejection. And then one day it dawned on me that I was so afraid of other people rejecting me that I rejected myself.

And I think that on the day my time comes, I’d rather know I didn’t reject myself.
I think I could stomach anyone else rejecting me more than me rejecting myself.

That applies to you, too. Let anyone reject you.
Just as long as you don’t reject yourself.

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2 things before you go…

1) I wrote this for my Mom — I hope you’ll read it today— and thank you!
—A Special Place in Heaven

2) If you write on Medium, I wrote this for you…
—10 Steps to Edit Your First Draft Into a Killer Story

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I appreciate you. Thanks for reading and have a great weekend.

xo
Linda