Ancora Imparo

The second dumbest mistake I made on Substack is a really common mistake and I see it everywhere so let's talk about it, okay?

When Michelangelo was dying he dictated his will in three short lines and then turned to his friend and said I am done, and begged his friend not to abandon him. So his beloved friend and student sat by him until the sorrowful end. And the last words of the great Michelangelo Buonarroti were Ancora Imparo.

Which means I am yet learning. God, aren’t we all?

This morning I read a post that lamented the many white women in literature and the way we idolize Plath and Atwood and I forget who else, but the post had thousands of likes so I kept reading and began to see the world through the eyes of a black woman who was once a little black girl looking for a hero on the cover of a book.

But of course, several decades ago black women were the least likely authors for a big publishing house to take a gamble on. White men at the top of the list, black women at the bottom and it’s not terribly different today but we’ve made a little progress.

The world is divisive and it’s always been divisive, and it always will be divisive.

There’s always been them and us and the only thing that changes is the topic.

Doesn’t really matter if that means women being left out of history books or black women being at the bottom of the publishing world or rich people who have no idea at all what it’s like to be poor, or men not knowing what it’s like to be a woman in the world or women not knowing what it’s like to be a man in this world.

There’s a point I’m trying to get to but trying to put a finger on it is a bit like trying to nail jello to a tree but if you hang in there I think it will make sense. Because I’m trying to explain something that can make all the difference in the world.

I once read a story called something like “The Universe Doesn’t Care About You” and it was a beautiful post about a father and son standing in a field in the dark of night while the dad explained to his little son that the world is too big and too vast and it can’t care about him because it’s so big it can’t, so he has to care about himself.

It was beautiful writing and the underlying sentiment was not to worry too much about the world and just take care of yourself and chase your dreams and I agree, but at the same time I think the world wants to care. I do. From the bottom of my heart.

I think human connection is the most powerful thing there is and if we lack it, we suffer. And I think words are one of the most powerful ways we can connect.

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Fitzgerald said the test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function and that comes pretty close to where I’m trying to go with this.

Because yes, the world is big and vast and people are so busy that if 10% of readers take the time to heart or respond it’s a miracle. But at the same time we are so hungry for connection. So hungry to know someone else feels what we feel.

I wrote a piece on Medium about going to court on my fiftieth birthday to fight for the right to keep my dad in my home instead of putting him into some facility and a reader said I made her cry because that’s exactly where she is right now and it made me feel seen and understood, too, and isn’t that what we want?

Isn’t that why we write? Because if we didn’t care about being seen, we’d write our thoughts in a notebook and tuck them away but we’re not doing that, we’re putting our heartfelt words on the internet for everyone to read. And maybe connect with.

One thing writers talk about is whether we should write for ourselves or our readers and people will argue vocally for one or the other but I think we need to do both.

I think that’s the second biggest mistake I made on Substack.

It took me four years to get to two thousand readers and I’d write and write and wonder how long this long game really is but in hindsight I think I didn’t make enough space for my readers to hang their hearts.

People tell you that you have to have a “niche” but I don’t agree with that. I mean, you can. But I don’t think you need to. I think a niche is just a shortcut to giving readers something to hang their hearts on. A way to say I belong here.

I think that’s what I did wrong. I think I was too focused on being my authentic self and showing up in this giant world and writing the best stories I could but I forgot readers need to be able to identify with my words, too.

They need to find themselves in my words.

And cripes, that plays out a million different ways.

Maybe it’s a bio that doesn’t tell anyone anything they can hook into.

Sometimes when I get a ton of comments I like to go to the comments page and just mouse over the bios to see what everyone is doing and writing about and I see all these bios that could fit anyone.

If I had a nickel for every person who says they’re a poet but doesn’t say what kind of poetry they write, what topics they touch on, I could live on those nickels.

Bios like I’m a writer or parent or some generic description that makes readers shrug, move on. And, for that matter, people who do pick a niche make the same mistake. Because they show up generic within that niche. You know?

Or maybe it’s titles. God, I struggle so much with titles. People tend to go one of two ways with titles. Either they write them too short, like book titles. Or they dance the edge of clickbaity, which might be fine once in a while but when there’s ten of them in a row on the homepage of a publication, it has a feel that puts people off, right?

And images. Did you know the human brain makes decisions from the part of the brain that has no language? The reptilian brain is the decider. It looks and gets a feeling. And then words have to work ten times harder to undo that feeling.

Like, if you sit back and look at your Substack homepage, would you say it feels like you? Does it have the vibe that you as a person have? Because it should.

And I’m not convinced that I’m entirely where I want to be. But I think I’m closer than I was when I had a generic yay I’m a writer bio and shock jock images because I did.

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Someone is going to ask me why I didn’t give examples so I’m going to tell you why.

When people give examples, we think that’s the way to do it. We carve them in stone and try squeeze ourselves into that mold. Which is the opposite of what we should be doing, you know? Because we can’t be unique and formulaic at the same time.

You don’t stand head and shoulders above a crowd by emulating it.

What I do know is that if I printed out everything you wrote, or everything I wrote, and spread those pages on the floor like Jo editing her book in Little Women and looked at everything you’ve written, all together, there’s a greater message there about your worldview and how you fit into the world. And a lot of people can identify with it.

And the closer you can get to that in how you present yourself to readers, the faster you’ll find the people who are looking for you.

So I’d rather not give examples. I’d rather tell you to look at the leaderboards in the category you write in. Mouse over bios of people who leave comments on your posts. Mouse over people who catch your eye on notes. And then ask yourself why it caught your eye, what part of it spoke to you. Go from there. Love to know what you think.

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”
― Michelangelo